Helping Children When There is a Family Move

Any move is difficult not only for children but also adults. The actual physical requirements of finding a new home, arranging movers, selling your home, packing, changing addresses, establishing new schools is quite tasking and overwhelming for most of us. Beyond the physical requirements are all the numerous emotions one goes through. Leaving the family home, loved ones, friends and familiarity to a new, strange, unknown can be quite jolting, scary, and difficult.

The following are a few thoughts that may help to support your children and you through your move.

1. Children tend to mirror their parents. How you deal with change and the move will offer role models to emulate for your children. Yes, they will have a mixture of feelings that may encompass being very angry, scared, excited, and sad; but in all, they love you and you will be their support and guide throughout life.
   
   
2. Behind anger there are a lot of emotions that are hard to identify.
   • Sad they will be leaving friends and loved ones.
   • Wondering how can they ever cope without their friends.
   • Scared they will not be able to make new friends.
   • Fearful they won't know anybody and it will all be so different.
   • Excited, with a new house, new friends, a new part of the country, new opportunities, a new start.

   The anger is the first defense to the shock of change. Know that children need to express this shock within reason. They will need your unending support and love to guide them through the move and their numerous feelings. It will take time but the adjustment, transition and acceptance will usually occur.

3. As parents also allow yourself to process your feelings. As a family you will all in your own way experience emotions. Mom may be overwhelmed with missing her friends or family, having perhaps to leave a job, having to perhaps cope with the moving and selling of the house. Dad may be excited for the new opportunity, or perhaps feel he had no choice to support the family but to move, or may feel guilty he is causing the family to uproot. Whatever any person is feeling is human and part of change and transition. It is only when it becomes overwhelming, out of control where one is unable to function with normal daily routines that it might be supportive to seek some counseling or help.
   
   
4. Introduce your children and you to the new community if at all possible. Include the children as they are willing or desire to participate in some of the decisions that effect the family. Exploresupportive neighborhoods, schools, if children live nearby that might support their fitting in.
   
   
5. Seek out resources that could be connectors for your children. When you register for school ask for supportive resources to help your child fit in. Ask your new neighbors about resources in your area, possible same age friends. Your employer may offer transitioning services for the whole family. Your new church may offer activities and new friends who may connect you to other friends. Consider any and all opportunities to introduce your children to others who could be supportive to them.
   
   
6. If able, plan some fun excursions that help to introduce you to the highlights of your new community.
   
   
7. It is also supportive to plan special good-byes. A party with friends with a special book that all can sign with phone and e-mail addresses. Special gifts that remind each of the other that mightbe silly but special. Computers have done wonders in keeping people connected especially until your children are able to transition into new friendships and activities.
   
   
8. Consider AAA resources to inform you about your new community. Anything to excite the children about possible new experiences.
   
   
9. Once your children have settled in, consider having a party for all their new friends which helps you to assess and connect with their friends and parents of the friends.
   
   
10. Look for any opportunity to connect; church, sports, hobbies, school teams. Any opportunity to bring together your child's interest in relation to connecting with their new area.
    
    
11. Best of all, make the most of the move. Generate enthusiasm and excitement along with support for the children's fears and anxiety. If after several months your children are still grieving the move and unable to cope in the new environment, you might wish to consider brief counseling.

Good Luck and Enjoy!