Bullying

Bullying is hurtful, and unfortunately most children will encounter some bullying as part of growing up. It is important to assess when it is too damaging to your child that they cannot, with your support, work through the peer relationship problem.

What You Can Do To Support Your Child Through A Bullying Episode:

1. Listen closely to what your child is experiencing. Support them in acknowledging how painful this must feel without taking over or over-pampering them. Note that sometimes when a child’s feelings are hurt, it re-triggers times when parents recall being hurt. This is normal, but you want to make sure your reaction is specific to the child’s situation and does not have added reactions due to past parent recall of hurt.
   
   
2. Try to understand for yourself what you think may be occurring. Once you understand what occurred, it might offer suggestions for options that your child might try to resolve the problem.
   
   
3. Ask your child what they believe is going on, what played a part in this occurring, and what your child feels might be options to solve. Support your child’s participation in problem solving.
   
   
4. Consult the other child’s parents, sharing with them your concerns. Ask if you might problem solve together with parents and the children. Follow up with results and show consistency of concern for the children that you will continue to assess the situation. Look at it as an opportunity for all the children to learn with parental guidance, love and support. If the other parent is not cooperative, listen to what they may say, evaluate their comments and continue to do what you feel is best for your child.
   
   
5. Support your child being with friends who do enjoy being with him. The more friends who like a child, the larger the peer support group. They may also place some boundaries on peers who do not treat their friend well.
   
   
6. Assess the safety of the situation for your child and others. While you want to support a learning experience that helps a child learn to resolve difficult situations, you also want to be keenly aware if this is out of control and affecting the safety of your child and others. SAFETY IS FIRST. Authorities such as principals, teachers and if need be, police, need to be aware of the gravity of the situation. Children need to know they have rights to be able to function in a safe environment, and that they can be loved and accepted for who they are. IF THE SITUATION IS OF IMMINENT DANGER, PROTECT THE CHILD FIRST, THEN DISCUSS WITH AUTHORITIES.
   
   
7. If this is a reoccurring situation for your child, you may wish to look at the part your child may be playing in being the focal point of hurtful child behavior. Does your child at times tend to overreact, get angry easily when teased, cry easily, run to others to solve what might be solvable on their own? Children sometimes like to provoke those who react easily; it gives them power over someone else because most likely they are protecting themselves against others being hurtful to them. Part of this is normal growing up and learning situations, but if this is constant and reoccurring, you may wish to seek professional help to assess what might be occurring. Pediatricians, Child Psychiatrists, Advanced Practice Nurses, Psychologists and Counselors are excellent resources for guiding and evaluating what might be helpful for your child.
   
   
8. As hurtful as this behavior may be to your child, it is important to also assess the child who is bullying and hurting others. Often this may be an outward expression of some personal difficulties that child may be experiencing. Children are basically good and mean well. When they are hurtful to others, it is important to assess what is really going on. They, too, should be supported and assessed to provide help that may be needed.
   
   
9. NOTE THAT BOYS AND GIRLS ARE BULLIED BUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS. Girls tend to verbally bully, exclude from groups, one day be your friend and not the next, and say hurtful things. Boys tend to be more aggressive, push to instigate fights, and set up situations to push you to hit. This may also occur with girls where at times they are physically combative. Either way it is hurtful for both and a difficult situation for parents to support and protect their child while also helping them to problem solve and work through problems. WHEN A CHILD WITH SUPPORT WORKS THROUGH A PROBLEM, THEY ESTABLISH SOME INNER BELIEF IN THEMSELVES. THIS SUPPORTS THEM BELIEVING THEY CAN WORK THROUGH OTHER DIFFICULT SITUATIONS.

RESOURCES:

If the situation has become out of control and the above suggestions have not been helpful (or you feel it is not enough help), you may call:

ST. JOHN’S MERCY MEDICAL CENTER, CHILD PSYCHIATRY
314-251-6898 FOR ADDITIONAL HELP OR AN ASSESSMENT

WEB LINKS:

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Bullying - AACP Facts for Families #80

Bullying in School